Emma of Supernothing TV and Danny Breakoar whose bidet it both is presents….Super Shiny Palentines Day!

All profits to displaced Palestinian families

FULL LINEUP:
BAD DERREN BROWN
BROKEN NOTE B2B SCHEME BOY
CONDIMENT SWAP SHOP PIZZA PARTY
CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST AND THE LAST BUS TO NUTTLY
CRISPMANIA
CYBER STEVE
DJ ELSA FROM FROZEN
GIZMODE + BREAKWHORE
KIM ORGANCHRIST
KREST
SETTLING IN PERIOD
THE JIMMY G EXPERIENCE
TOYBOX: PASS THE PARCEL

CONDIMENT SWAP SHOP PIZZA PARTY. You will bring a sauce, but it will not be yours for long. Hands will grasp, squeeze, trade, consume. The pizzas will turn, expectant. A crust will land where no crust should land. Someone will laugh too loudly at something no one said. The full gang will be there. The full gang has always been there.

A man comes forward. BAD DERREN BROWN. His mouth moves, but the words come from behind you. He speaks of Houdini. He speaks of Arthur Conan Doyle. He speaks of you. The audience shifts in its seat, but no one is sitting. He was banned from Boyes. The reason will never be known. He will perform a trick that is not a trick. You will check your pocket. There will be something in it that should not be there.

CRISP MANIA happens. No one starts it, but no one can stop it. A crisp sandwich birthday cake is unveiled and the candles snuff themselves out. The prom queens sing to themselves, for themselves, through themselves. The song warps at the edges. A bag of crisps is passed from hand to hand, but it is never opened.

CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST AND THE LAST BUS TO NUTTLY occurs. A door swings open to a place that is not here. Someone will step through. Someone will step out. Someone will watch their own arrival from the other side.

Then—KREST. The best toothpaste metal breakcore UK speed garage band ever. You are certain of this, though you do not know why. STRAWBEE’s guitar is too heavy for human hands, yet he lifts it with ease. HALF PETE’s voice does not match their mouth. TWIXIE NO NO types something that appears on your phone, but you did not bring a phone. The music rattles your teeth and your thoughts do not belong to you.

JIM’LL BREAK IT. Jimmy G enters. A single object is placed before him. He stares at it. It shatters on its own. There is no applause. There is no need. A ceramic cat falls from a shelf it was never on. Jimmy moves to the next thing. It is not an object. It breaks anyway.

Somewhere in the noise—GIZMODE + BREAKWHORE. The music is stupid, impossibly stupid, idiot noise for idiot people and yet you are listening, you are moving, you are becoming. DJ ELSA FROM FROZEN stands before you, frozen in time, unblinking. Music plays from nowhere. The snow is warm. KIM ORGANCHRIST is there. Or was. Or will be. TOYBOX: PASS THE PARCEL begins. A New Year countdown, but the numbers go backwards, and not in order.

CYBER STEVE. A 303 Acid Techno entity. Bass will rattle the dust from unseen corners. The air will bend, and time will misfire. Someone will move in ways no body was designed for. Another will stop mid-dance, eyes wide, grasping, for the first time, the sheer scale of everything. It will be too late.

BIDET COUNTDOWN looms. It is unspoken, yet inevitable. The bidet waits. The countdown is in your head, now. You do not know how to make it stop.

And then—BROKEN NOTE B2B SCHEME BOY. The first in twenty years. The bass comes from beneath you. Breakcore splits in two and something emerges through the gap. The air is wrong. The walls ripple. The crowd moves in ways bodies should not move. Someone will reach for their drink and find only dust. A voice that is not yours will whisper that you should leave. But the music is already inside you.

5 MINS IN HEAVEN, THE END. The final moment. A door will open. The event will end, but you will not be the same. Some will say you were never there at all.

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